7 Humourous Events
by Squibblez
Summary: 7 one-shots that bring the hilarity out into Zoro's life. Enjoy and R&R! Rated T for cursing, so be warned!
1. Chores

**These are short little stories of some funny things that have happened to Zoro after Fishmen's Island and while the Straw Hat crew are simply bobbing along the current in the New World. Just to be sure no one misunderstands, none of this actually has happened, but maybe what I would love to see. xD Anyways, enjoy and R&R! **

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><p><strong>Chores<strong>

Some say that cleaning the dishes really isn't that big of a chore. However, Zoro thought otherwise. Hell, he had to clean for the most glutton-ness captain in the Grand Line, so there were tons of dishes to wipe clean. The swordsman stole an angry glance at the cook, who was silently cleaning next to him. Hating to admit it, but Zoro felt like the idiot had earned some of his respect for cleaning this many dishes three times a day.

"Focus! Or you'll drop them!" the cook paused his chore and turned his head to yell at Zoro. Unfortunately, Zoro didn't have such a good grip on the glass he was cleaning. It slipped right out of his hands when the cook caused him to flinch and it shattered on impact. Zoro and the cook stared at the mess between them in silence.

"Idiot!" Sanji insulted, his teeth growing razor sharp and his revealed eye turning into flames of annoyance.

"You're the idiot!" Zoro defended himself, pointing at the cook's hands. "Look at those ridiculous gloves!" In all honesty, the gloves really did look stupid. They were a bright yellow and looked to be owned by a woman.

"My gloves have nothing to do with this! The water's too damn hot to just stick my bare hand in, stupid marimo!" The cook stabbed back, taking a step forward towards Zoro, but froze when some glass entered his foot. The two men were silence once again. The cook broke that silence when he started yelling in agony, lifting his foot off the ground and cradling it, hopping back and forth to keep balance.

Despite the sudden injury of his fellow crewmate, Zoro crossed his arms and muttered, "Serves you right."

"WHAT?" the cook managed to reach over and grab Zoro by his collar, pulling him closer to be more intimidating. Sadly for Zoro, he stumbled forward and his own foot stepped on a piece of glass. He hollered in pain and in a blind rage, he attempted to slam his fist onto Sanji's cheek, who dodged it easily and attempted to kick Zoro in the knees. Zoro quickly jumped upwards and tucked in his knees to just barely miss the blow, but before he decided to land he remembered the pieces of glass lying around.

Zoro's quick-minded thinking immediately went to the cook. He reached out, trying to get the cook to pull him away, but the idiot had backed away out of arms reach with a sadistic grin on his face, waving his hand in order to gesture a happy 'good-bye'. Zoro's face darkened in despair and before he hit the glass-covered ground, he drew in a quick breath.

"YOU BASTARD!"


	2. Technological Problems

**Second event it up! Yay! It took me about ten minutes... but don't doubt its entertainment! Enjoy and please R&R!**

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><p><strong>Technological Problems<strong>

"No, Zoro, that's called a window," Usopp tried to explain, pointing to the screen. Zoro leaned in and squinted his single eye, scrutinizing what the sniper was trying to say. It just looked like a shiny box to him, but apparently, it could relay and receive messages in case someone was trying to contact them.

Zoro frowned with frustration. "I'm leaving," he declared and stood from the chair, but Usopp forced him back down by pressing Zoro's shoulders down.

"No! You can't! I have to make sure even an idiot can figure out how to use it!" Usopp pleaded, but for some reason, Zoro found it a bit insulting. Zoro released a heavy sigh, scratching his chin and closing his eye.

"What is this again?" Zoro asked, tapping the screen with his knuckle.

"It's a computer."

Zoro blinked and looked up at Usopp, who was standing above him and examining his process. "So what is it that you want me to do?"

"I just need you to pull up a window. Franky and I worked hard on this, so you work hard, too!" Usopp tried to play the guilt card and unfortunately for Zoro, it worked. After Usopp left and informed Zoro that he'd be back in five minutes, the swordsman looked around the area and grabbed something called a 'mouse'. Usopp had explained that if you move the mouse, then the small arrow on the screen will move, too.

Frustrated, Zoro waved around the device, almost pulling the cord out of its socket. Determination in his eyes, Zoro looked back down at the screen. Nothing. The arrow never moved. Zoro waved a little faster, causing the cord that connected the mouse to the computer to look much like a frequency wave. Zoro quickly stared back at the screen, hoping for the best, but the arrow had not moved an inch.

Zoro set the mouse down on the table, realizing it was doing nothing for him. His eye scanned the area and found the board in front of him with a bunch of buttons with letters on them. He leaned in, reading everything that the buttons had on them.

"Ca…tar…al?" Zoro examined the 'Ctrl' word near the edge of the keyboard. He scratched the back of his head. "Who the hell is Cataral?"

"How's Usopp's invention going?" Chopper popped his head into Usopp's and Franky's workroom with a smile on his furry face. Zoro turned around and crossed his arms, looking satisfied.

"Great," Zoro lied, sticking his thumb up to enhance the fake 'greatness' that surrounded him. Chopper giggled and then left. Zoro sighed and turned back to the screen. The invention was just stupid! Now, Zoro knew Usopp was amazing at that kind of stuff, but to make something that you can only see through a screen… Zoro didn't understand. Either way, his crewmate asked him for a simple favor, and the least he could do was see it all the way to the end. A new determination entered Zoro's mind and he glared at the computer.

Zoro felt his heart skip a beat when he had finally found a button on the keyboard that could be worthwhile! Zoro knew that that was the button that would get him out of this mess! It was his last, final hope! He smirked, lifted his pointer finger, and…

A few minutes later, Usopp creaked the door open with a nervous smile on his face. "So… were you able to figure it out?" The sniper frowned when he saw that the screen looked exactly how it did when he left.

At first, there was silence. But then Zoro slowly turned around, revealing a blank expression on his face, and his finger was pressing a single button on the keyboard.

"It's not working," Zoro informed the inventor. Usopp sighed and walked into the room, seemingly knowing it wouldn't work like it was supposed to.

"What do you mean? Did the screen freeze?" Usopp moved a little closer and felt his anger build up when he took a clearer look at what Zoro was pressing and his muscles tensed.

The swordsman blinked. "I keep hitting 'escape', but I'm still here."


	3. Mittens Are Warm

**I guess you could say that this is a short sequel to 'Zoro Takes Care of a Kitten'! If you haven't read that story yet, don't read this, or it will hardly make any sense at all. Oh, and this is obviously before they let the kitten go at the following island. This story isn't all that funny, but I guess it was just a clearer end to 'Zoro Takes Care of a Kitten'. Obviously, its much longer than any of the other events. As you can see, I love cats/kittens, so the thought of Zoro caring for one just makes me scream with extreme joy. Now, you enjoy!**

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><p><strong><span>Mittens Are Warm, Especially in Those Cold of Heart<span>**

Zoro released a heavy sigh. It was that time of day again. He kneeled down next to the small box on the floor and narrowed his eye at all the crap that somehow came out of such a small kitten. It didn't make much sense, but what's done was done. As his hand made its way to grab the 'pooper scooper', Mittens trotted into the weight room and nudged against Zoro's hand with his small head, purring.

"If you really think I'm going to feed you, you're as stupid as-…" Zoro paused, feeling that if he finished talking to a damn cat, then he'd be the one who felt stupid. Either way, the kitten continued to rub against Zoro's hand, nipping gently at his fingertips and bat at his knuckles with his soft paws.

"Fine, fine," Zoro dropped the scooper and stood, stretching his arms. As he did, the kitten stretched his furry back as well and yawned. Zoro made his way into the small cabinet in the corner of his weight training room, where he usually stored dumbbells and mats, but in this case, he was retrieving a small bowl and meat that the cook had fried up. Unfortunately, the Straw Hats didn't keep around a bag of cat food in case a certain reindeer decided to sneak a kitten aboard before they left to the next island.

As Zoro was preparing the food for the cat, Mittens was constantly mewing and following Zoro, who had almost tripped over the energetic kitten tons of times. The damn thing was too small for anyone to see! Zoro set the bowl of chopped up meat on the ground and Mittens rushed towards it, chewing it up. Seeing as how his job was done here, Zoro left the room, but was sure to shut the door so Mittens wouldn't get out.

Back out on the lawn in the Thousand Sunny, Luffy, Brooke, Usopp, and Chopper seemed to play an endless game of cards. However, when Chopper noticed Zoro, he dropped his cards and trotted over to him.

"How's Mittens doing?" Chopper asked, sounding excited, which almost annoyed Zoro. Here he was, busting his ass off for a cat that didn't matter much to him, while Chopper sat happily and played a game of cards. Zoro crossed his arms over his chest and turned half-away from Chopper, resulting in his three swords clacking against one another.

"He's fine," Zoro replied blandly, sighing after he spoke. Zoro turned towards the kitchen with a huff. "Cook! Sake!"

The idiot cook charged up the stairs, dust trailing from his heels, and grabbed Zoro by the scruff of his dark green yukata, pulling him in close.

"What do you think I am, you idiot marimo? Your waiter?" the cook yelled angrily, his cigarette breath fuming over Zoro's face.

"I don't care what the hell you are, but you have a job to do!" Zoro demanded. He usually wasn't that rude, but he was pissed off ever since Mittens came into his life. Zoro knew he could count on the idiot cook to get rid of all the stress he was carrying. Zoro couldn't help but smirk when he noticed the growing red, pulsing vein on the side of the cook's head.

"My only job for you is to kick your sorry ass!" the cook replied, letting Zoro's yukata go with some attitude. "First you eat more than your share and now this. You sure know how to be a pain in the ass, don't you, stupid marimo."

That pissed Zoro off. No one, especially that idiotic cook, could call him a pain! He was about to step forward and beat the hell out of the pervert, but Luffy bent backwards with that stupid grin on his face.

"Heehee!" Luffy cackled happily. "Sanji! Zoro! Play a game with us!"

The cook sighed and took out his cigarette, releasing a puff of smoke. "I'm busy cooking lu-!" The cook paused and his revealed eye widened. Zoro lifted his head and sniffed the air.

"Is something burning?" Zoro muttered, and that was when the cook let out a very loud yell and darted down into the kitchen. Looks like someone wasn't paying too close attention to the meat.

"Zoro," Chopper tugged on Zoro's yukata sleeve. "What do you like about alcohol? Do you think it solves your problems?"

Zoro thought about it for a moment, but came to his conclusion rather easily. "Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does milk."

Chopper groaned and let his head bow in despair. "That's not what I meant." The small reindeer trotted his way over to the mast that lead up to Zoro's weight room. "I'm going to go check on Mittens." Zoro simply nodded and crossed his arms. Chopper loved that cat too much. It was going to be a pain when they reached the next island and he would have to let it go.

"Oi, Nami!" Zoro called, turning his head towards the upper deck, where he was sure she was tanning. "How much further until the next island?"

A few seconds later, Nami appeared at the railing and leaned against it with her elbows. Her long orange hair bounced as she settled herself. Zoro never understood why women kept their hair long, especially Nami and Robin. They were fighters! Hair would only get in the way.

"It shouldn't be that much longer. Why?" Nami smiled mischievously. "Feeling a little seasick, Zoro?"

"Hell no!" Zoro answered quickly, annoyed that the woman would even think that. She always loved playing tricks with his mind. One time, she led him down the wrong path on purpose! Or… maybe he got it wrong? No, that was impossible. Zoro knew he was good at following directions.

"ZORO!" Zoro flinched as he heard his name being called. Not only called, though. The voice was… so horribly sad. He looked up and saw Chopper, pushing out the window of the training room. His face looked sad, but serious.

"What's wrong?" Nami asked, looking up as well. The weight room was extremely high and was hardly supported by anything, so the fact that Zoro's weights never crashed through the floor surprised the swordsman. Chopper flinched when he heard Nami. Zoro had forgotten that they were keeping Mittens a secret.

"What's up, Chopper?" Luffy grinned and lay on his back, dropping his cards. The idiot was too lazy to turn and look up, so he simply allowed his eyes to do his bidding.

"O-Only Zoro!" Chopper squealed and that was when Zoro noticed tears welling up in the small reindeer's eyes. Zoro narrowed his own eye at the scene that lay before him. Something was obviously wrong with Mittens.

"What is it?" Zoro asked patiently, looking serious. The present crew decided to stay quiet and watch which was a smart idea.

"Just come up here! Bring the first AID box that's in the medical bay!" Chopper demanded and disappeared from the window, shutting it afterwards. Zoro took no time to get this done and by the next twenty seconds, he holding the first AID box, standing above Mittens with a wide eye. Mittens was breathing heavily and was lying flat on the ground of Zoro's weight room. Chopper ran over and swiped the box, rummaging through everything to find what he needed.

"Wha…?" Zoro could hardly speak. Such a small creature… it was dangerous to be in that state of obvious pain, right? Zoro sat beside Chopper, who was busily using a pestle and thistle to create some herb medicine. Even as he sat, Zoro was still about the same height as Chopper. "What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know!" Chopper cried, finally letting loose some tears as he pounded at the mixture. "I came up here and found Mittens like this! I think he's getting worse!"

Zoro went silent. The kitten was honestly too small and fragile to be going through such wheezing and fidgeting. Zoro wondered if it would last through the night. As his thoughts strayed, he began to think of how much the kitten loved him. Each time Zoro would yawn or stretch, the cat would do the same. Sure, Mittens would constantly attack Zoro's face with a barrage of paw swipes and scratches, but it was just playing. Zoro remembered how he couldn't help but smile warmly at the kitten who gobbled up his food like there was no tomorrow.

"I think… his lungs are closing up," Chopper breathed out, looking relieved. Zoro, being the least educated about medicines out of the crew, frowned in confusion.

"How is that a good thing?" Zoro asked, placing his hands on his knees after he crossed his legs.

"It means it's easily cared for. I was worried it was something much worse…" Chopper trialed off after wiping a tear away and placing the bowl next to Mittens head. "The smell should open up his lungs and allow him to breathe easier."

"So, he's still sick?"

"This is a sign of the end of his sickness. Usually something like this happens when the bowels are wiped clean and the body uses too much energy, so the inner organs dysfunction for a couple days," Chopper explained, but Zoro didn't understand a second of it.

All he heard was that Mittens episode was the end of his sickness.


	4. 100 Million

**This story was the amazing idea of a very, very great friend of mine, Kaiser Wilhelm (username on fanfiction). And as of now, I mean, JUST NOW, just as I was typing her name, I've realized that Kaiser Wilhelm was the leader of Germany during World War I. No, I am not a nerd, but our history class literally learned this TODAY. Coincidence? I fuckin' think so.**

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><p><strong>100 Million<strong>

"Oh, no. Oh, hell no," The cook paced back and forth, having smoked more than two cigarette's since noon and hadn't stopped scratching his brown, nine o'clock shave. Zoro, on the other hand, had his arms crossed over his chest and an unreadable expression on his face.

His single eye blinked in what seemed like confusion. "Relax, would you? This isn't as bad as it seems. We just have to take Nami's…" Zoro's voice diminished as the idiot cook gave him a stare that felt like a thousand needles of fire stabbing you simultaneously.

"Idiot! If we do that, she'd kill me! We have to come up with the amount on our own!" the cook stopped pacing and pounded at the railing of Thousand Sunny, which was docked along the shoreline. "Those bastards are gonna pay for this!"

Zoro smirked. "Just let me go cut them up. You'd get in my way, anyways."

"We don't even know where they are!" the cook swayed and fell to his knees, bowing his head. Zoro decided not to kick him while he was down, so he stayed quiet.

The cook remained in his despaired position and the very life seemed to drain out of him. Even so, he spun around, raising his head, his arms, and his voice. "Nami-SWAN! Robin-CHWAN! I'm so sorry! I won't allow those bastards to do anything to your perfect bodies!"

Zoro stared at the mess before him and leaned back on the white railing. "Idiot. The women aren't even here."

"Yes, they are," the cook closed his eyes and dramatically placed both his hands on his chest. "They're right here."

Zoro made a face that was easily expressed as pure disgust. So, he truly was an idiotic pervert. Zoro was sure that the cook was the definition of one. "Well, I'm off." Zoro leapt over the railing and landed heavily on the ground beside Sunny, his katana clanking together from the momentum. The cook darted to the edge of the ship and leaned over, obviously pissed, as there were multiple veins pulsing on his face.

"Where the hell do you think you're going, you idiot marimo?" the cook yelled from above. Zoro looked up at him with a frown about how annoying he was.

"If we're going to have to get 100 million beli within the next 24 hours, than I'd rather go solo," Zoro explained, flipping around and heading out towards the nearby villages.

Zoro almost laughed when the cook immediately said, "I was about to say the same thing!"

**X X X**

Zoro's eye scanned the area, looking for anything that would get him beli. See, a few hours ago, Zoro and the cook woke up and found that their entire crew was missing. On the door to the sleeping quarters, there was a note that was nailed to it, which said, 'You better earn 100 million beli by the end of today, or else'. Obviously, it was a direct threat to end the entire crew's life. What really puzzled Zoro was the fact that Luffy allowed this to happen. However, the second he thought about it, Zoro released a heavy sigh. Luffy was most likely sleeping through the whole ordeal.

"Hey, you!"

Zoro turned and noticed an old man, hunched over, and was pointing at him. He was standing next to a selling stall, so he was obviously the owner. Zoro wondered when the hell he arrived at the marketplace of the island.

"Wanna make some beli?" the old man asked with a toothless grin. Zoro frowned at the sudden, unexpected chance to get some of the beli he would need to get his crew back. He nodded in silence.

"How about you sell me those three swords? I'll pay you a lot for them!"

"No," Zoro spoke quickly and simply. He wasn't about to sell his beloved weapons, especially Wadou, to anyone, no matter the price. The swordsman was about to walk away, but the old man stepped in front of him with a nervous, but determined smile on his wrinkly old face.

"Come on! I'll give you 200 million for beauties like that!"

Zoro gently pushed passed the old man. "No, thanks," he repeated, not even thinking about his crew. Yes, he cared about his crewmates, but he wasn't planning on selling the very katana that got him where he was. They were the weapons that would make his dream come true.

"You better damn well sell those things," the cook suddenly appeared, blowing smoke out of his mouth and leaned against one of the village houses. Zoro stopped dead in his tracks, the sound of his boots hitting the cobblestone echoing.

"I'll do that when you cut off your own legs," Zoro replied, deciding not to bother and ask where the hell the idiot came from.

"Fine, but how the hell are we supposed to come up with that kind of beli in… how long?" The cook looked around for some kind of clock or watch, but found nothing. "What kind of town doesn't have a clock?"

"It's 11 o'clock in the morning, ero-cook," Zoro explained, sounding annoyed, which he really was.

"Wha?" the cook looked back at the swordsman, confused. Zoro pointed north-east and the cook turned, only to see a clock mounted on a large building, directly in the center. Zoro noticed the confusion in the cook's eyes as he continued. "What's up with that building? Why is it so much more… elegant?"

Zoro crossed his arms and sighed. "Who cares? At this point, we only have… four more hours to get 100 million beli."

The cook stole a glance at Zoro, looking rather annoyed. "Idiot marimo. Can you count? We have nineteen hours left. How the hell did you end up with four?"

Before Zoro could send an insulting comment back at the cook, a woman heard of their pickle and walked up to them with a warm smile, holding her hands together with a bow. "That's the bank of this village."

Zoro raised an eyebrow. "The bank?"

The woman nodded. "Yes. Even though this is obviously a poor old village, the higher officials keep all of their beli in that bank."

"What a beautiful woman!" the cook shimmered towards her, taking her hands in his and getting down on one knee. His face immediately changed when he looked up at her; more gentlemen-like and suave. "My fair maiden, please don't tell me that this bank is draining your village dry."

The woman blushed with wide, surprised eyes and shook her head, obviously at a loss for words. She coughed gently and attempted to continue with her kind explanation. "Actually, it's the opposite. The village uses that beli for emergencies, in case anything happens that would be impossible to fix without it."

Zoro turned and waved his hand. "Thanks." He then walked towards the building. It was sure the most perfect place to find lots of beli. That was when the cook caught up to him and grabbed his shoulder in a serious manner.

"Are you really planning on robbing that bank?" the cook asked from behind Zoro, who stopped in his tracks.

"What other choice do we have?"

The question shut the cook up for once, so Zoro proceeded. However, once again, the cook trotted in front of Zoro and stopped him.

"If this beli will really save Nami-san and Robin-chan's lives, then I'll do it, too," the cook agreed with a face that showed he might be regretful on the decision, but it would be overall for the better. Zoro was surprised that the idiot agreed, so he took advantage and continued on his merry way towards the bank, where he would complete his first robbing ever.

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><p><strong>Obviously, the next event will be a sequel to this one. Please don't forget to R&amp;R! Enjoy the rest of the stories!<strong>


	5. 100 Million and Counting

**Again, much of this dialogue is thanks to my lovely friend, Kaiser Wilhelm! Hurray for her! She is an amazing writer and I recommend reading all of her stories. xD Anyhoo, enjoy the second half!**

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><p><strong>100 Million and Counting<strong>

Zoro and Sanji poked their heads out of the bushes; Zoro was frowning and Sanji looked rather serious for such a ridiculous situation. Zoro glared at the bank just ahead of them. The idiot cook was the one with the idea to rob it at night, but it was as hard as hell to see anything. Even if they did steal all the beli they needed, would they have enough time left to send it to the bastards that stole their crew?

Zoro clicked his tongue, annoyed, and whispered, "How do you think we're supposed to get in? It would be much easier if I just cut them down." There were two men standing with guns near the entrance to the bank, so getting inside was going to be tricky if you wanted to be unseen.

"Oh, that's a great idea! How about we just invite the Marines over here, too, you idiot marimo?" The cook's quiet tone of voice was dripping with sarcasm, which ticked Zoro off even more. The swordsman rustled behind the bushes, feeling the cook's knee pressed awkwardly against his back.

"You're the idiot who didn't think ahead! 'Let's attack at night!' he says! Now it's night, so what?" Zoro questioned angrily.

"Stupid! The darkness will hide us, ok? How about trying to stop acting like an asshole and just go along with it?" The cook then pushed his knee further into Zoro's back, obviously causing him sharp pain. He grunted, almost falling forward out of the bushes, but he managed to tumble backward, out of the bush.

"You bastard! That hurt!" Zoro yelled, forgetting all about the fact that the two wanted to stay _unseen. _The cook turned around quickly.

"That was an accident, idiot marimo! My legs were getting stiff so I had to bend them!" The cook replied, just as loud.

"Hey! Who's there?"

Zoro and the cook paused their argument and both of their faces paled when they saw one of the guards carrying his gun in a more threatening manner. The two remained quiet, hoping the guard wasn't able to see through the thick bush.

"What's the matter?" the second guard asked, gripping at his gun more fiercely.

"I thought I heard some voices," the guard closest to Zoro and Sanji muttered, allowing his eyes to scan the area. "I guess it was my imagination."

"I'm sure it was," the other guard replied with a snicker. "I saw how many bottles of sake you had."

The guards laughed together as they returned to their stations. The cook breathed out in relief and used his finger to point to the side of the building. Obviously, the cook decided against talking for the time being. With an annoyed nod, Zoro followed the idiot to the side of the bank. The cook was the first to scale the wall; stepping on ledges, cracks, windows and such, the both of them were able to make it to the top of the bank.

"What now? Crash through the ceiling?" Zoro asked, kneeling down to knock on the glass. If the bank had enough money to replace the ceiling with double-paned glass, then it had enough to free the rest of the Straw Hats.

The cook slowly leaned over in order to look into the bank from the ceiling. "Maybe if we just…" he began, but he trailed off as the sound of cracking glass was within earshot. Zoro looked around for the noise, hoping that it wasn't the guards climbing up to meet them. Another crack was loud enough to tell where it was coming from. Zoro's face paled and he slowly looked down. The glass ceiling they were standing on was about to-

It shattered beneath them.

"GYAH!" Zoro and Sanji both tumbled to the floor of the bank, shattering some more glass on the way down. Zoro landed first, wincing painfully at his back nailing the ground. The cook came down after him; however, he landed right on Zoro's stomach. The swordsman let out a painful cry as he felt all of the air being taken out of him. After all of the flying debris calmed down, the cook slowly stood up, paying no mind to the person beneath him. Almost immediately after they landed, a screeching noise came in impulses shot through the darkness. It was the alarm bell of the bank.

"Damnit… so much for double-paned glass," the cook complained over the beeping, not even bothering to apologize to Zoro for using him as a landing mat. Zoro jumped up angrily, almost losing his balance in the darkness of the bank, and grabbed Sanji by his orange collared shirt, yanking on the tie.

"You bastard! This happened because you're too fat!" Zoro yelled, but then the cook grabbed the top of Zoro's head, gripping at his shortly-cropped, green hair.

"You're the bastard, you idiot marimo! Maybe you're the one who's too fat!" Sanji threw back, just in time for a flashlight to gleam in his eyes, causing him to squint.

"Hold it right there!" the guard at the entrance said, holding up a rifle and a flashlight. "What do you think you two are-!" The poor guard was cut off when Zoro picked Sanji up by his collar and spun around, letting go at the precise moment to send the cook flying at the guard, smashing into him and sending them both hurdling out the door.

Zoro seemed to dart out the door, heading for the two of them, but with an satisfied smirk on his face, he ran right passed the cook, who was frantically trying to get up from atop the guard. Roronoa Zoro was happily running away from the situation, leaving the cook behind to take all of the credit.

Sanji breathed in angrily and his voice echoed through the night. "YOU BASTARD!"

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><p><strong>Yikes! This 'short' story just won't end, huh? Another chapter will be coming soon! Oh, and to all of you who are waiting for a better story… well, it will be coming! <strong>


	6. 100 Million to One

**Last chapter! Finally! This'll be pretty short… but still enjoy and please R&R!**

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><p><strong>100 Million to One<strong>

Zoro and Sanji sluggishly made their way back to Sunny, where their crew's dead bodies were probably waiting. Tired from the craziness of the potential bank robbery, Zoro's face was pale and he was itching to beat the hell out of Sanji, vice versa, as well.

"You're an idiot…" Sanji insulted Zoro in a way that pissed him off. "We're screwed. They're all probably…"

"Don't say it!" Zoro interrupted, acting as if it were really happening. By the looks of things, the two of them were being over-dramatic. "It… It can't be possible. This is Luffy we're talking about!"

Sanji glared at Zoro, but continued walking. "After we get back, let's split up the treasure and leave. I'm sure Nami-san would've wanted me to have most of it…"

"Bastard! Why should you get more of it?" Zoro angrily gripped at the cook's collar, almost hoisting him up into the air.

"Nami-san would've wanted me to! She loved me just as much as I loved her! We were… we were meant to be!" Comical tears began to pour out of the cook's eyes, streaming to the ground below. Zoro was about to give a good punch to the cook, but the sound of laughing caught him off guard. He and the cook froze in spot and slowly turned towards Sunny. Not only was the ship full of the Straw Hat crew members, but the sun was slowly making its way above the horizon.

"The hell?" Zoro muttered, letting his grip on Sanji's shirt slip from his grasp. Nami appeared from the deck and rested her elbows on the railing, looking down at Zoro and Sanji with a mischievous smile.

"Well?" Nami asked, flipping her orange hair over her shoulder. Sanji was too busy crying and rolling on the ground to say anything and Zoro was too busy being amazed to say anything.

"Did you guys get the beli I demanded?" the thief suddenly said and Zoro felt all of his blood drain from his face.

"Wh… What?" Zoro stuttered, allowing his jaw to drop to the ground. "Th… That was you?"

Nami raised an eyebrow. "What was me?"

"That sign! The damn sign pinned to our door!" Zoro explained, now suddenly angry.

Nami grinned. "Oh, yeah, that was me."

Zoro almost dropped dead. The woman had simply said 'get all this beli by the end of today or else'. Zoro cringed and stared down at the cook.

"Nami-SWAN!" he cried for joy. Zoro couldn't help himself when he punched the back of his head.

"You bastard! You mean we did all of that for nothing?" Zoro yelled, shaking Sanji like crazy. The cook tried throwing a kick in Zoro's direction.

"Nami-san asked as to, so we should! Got any problems with that?" the cook protested.

"Of course I do!"

Luffy appeared next to Nami with a huge, toothy grin on his face. "Yo! Zoro! Sanji! Where've you guys been?"

Zoro paused, feeling like all of his anger was piling up into one, condensed, humiliated yell.

"GYAH!"

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><p><strong>Finally! Done! Poor Zoro! Luckily for Sanji, he doesn't care as long as it's for the very love of his life! Again, please R&amp;R! The next Humorous Event will be coming soon!<strong>


	7. Drinking Problem

**Hey, everyone! For this SUPER short story, you are warned! There is alcohol! So if some of you kiddies don't wanna learn about alcohol just yet, skip over this one! Also, its my last one! Enjoy and please R&R!**

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><p><strong>Drinking Problem<strong>

Zoro frowned as he rummaged through his dark green, half-opened yukata. Unfortunately, all his wandering hand touched was his muscular abs.

"Damnit," the swordsman cursed under his breath, closing his single eye in frustration.

"We have a problem here, sir?" the bartender glared at the penniless swordsman, obviously preparing to throw him out if he wasn't able to pay for his drink. Zoro felt his body stiffen and his face drained of most of its tan color. He forced a grin and turned towards the man behind the counter with a raised thumb, assuring the bartender that he could most certainly pay for it. Well… kind of. The man nodded and continued to wash glasses.

"What's wrong, Zoro?" Usopp asked with a little chuckle behind his words. The swordsman hunched over. He would feel ashamed if he admitted that he was broke and wasn't able to pay for the cup of sake. His mouth still tasted dry, damnit! He needed some more alcohol! Could you say he was an addict? Yes. Yes, you could.

"Y… Yeah," Zoro muttered, spinning on the bar stool and faced the wall. He could feel a cold sweat breaking out on his face. Zoro's eyes scanned the room, looking over the ground to see if anyone had any loose beli. Unfortunately, there was none. To even pick up beli from the ground, Zoro felt ashamed just listening to his thoughts.

With a heavy sigh, he spun back around and slammed his head on the countertop, turned to the side to face Usopp. "I have a drinking problem," Zoro admitted.

Usopp laughed and patted Zoro on the back. "You sure do! I think you're an addict!"

Zoro closed his eye in frustration. "No… it's not that. I just can't afford it."


End file.
